An Act (or Two) of Kindness.

As of today, I am now thoroughly convinced that having a baby with you on an outing tends to bring out the best in Malaysians.

I find this funny because when I was heavily pregnant - 8 months and dependent on a walking stick to support my failing pelvis - I honestly encountered the worst. Hobbling in the rain from the carpark to my office one day, I slipped and fell in front of a car, dropping my laptop, umbrella and files all over the sodden wet concrete. And what did the driver do? Stop and help? Nope, he HONKED at me! Yep, that's right.

Oh, and the countless times I had elevator doors close on me right before I could enter, all because I was too heavy to move faster and the rude ass in the lift couldnt be bothered to hold the door open for me! Or... the times I tried to exit a lift and streams of people just came pushing through, regardless of the fact that I was the size of an elephant and needed plenty of time and space to get out!

So... it was with genuine surprise and deep gratitude that today, I encountered not just one, but two kind people who managed to change my mind about apathetic Malaysians in general. 

The first was at Ikea, as I tried to load a trolley full of stuff into my car while Zara was strapped to my chest in a baby carrier. Believe me, this is not an easy feat. She's over 8 kilos and lifting anything, even if it's 'flat-packed', is a challenge. Just as I stood there helplessly contemplating my idiocy at attempting to purchase such large items on my own, a nice gentleman came by and asked if I could use some help.

Ordinarily, being the bodoh-sombong prig that I am, I would say 'No no, thank you, I'll be fine", the way I used to even when I was 9.5mths and about to pop anytime! But this time, I knew Ikea had beat me and there was no way I could do this without assistance. And so, with a defeated 'yes, please', Encik Salihin loaded my boot for me and then went on his way, but not before I shook his hand and thanked him profusely.

I thought about this incident all the way home, and for the first time in a long time, my heart swelled with pride to be Malaysian. I felt so good I even let several cars potong me at a double line... that's how good it felt.

When I finally parked my car at home, Naz was already waiting to help unload the boot. As we discussed how many trips we'd have to make to get the stuff upstairs, another nice gentleman came over and offered a hand. I was really quite gobsmacked... TWO kind people in less than an hour? Allah must be smiling down on me today! And so, nice gentleman No 2 - Mr Raymond - carried up some of our stuff and then he too went on his way.

Back in my living room, I sat down to marvel at my fortune today. And I realised that, just from the simple acts of these two gentlemen, I had had a great day.

My perception of what it was to be a stranger, a woman, a mother, a neighbour, and most importantly a Malaysian, had changed instantly. I have always been too pessimistic about people (Rude Mr HonkHonk 10 months ago had served to cement that belief) but now I'm quite sure there are more good people than bad out there, and it seems that having a sweet innocent baby with you simply opens people up and makes you more approachable, less of a stranger.

These days, whenever I have Zara with me, I'm able to have conversations with the most random of people, and it usually starts with the phrase 'Berapa umur baby?'. And then the barriers that divide us, that made us strangers, miraculously melt away. Now if only people were that nice on days Zara isnt with me! But why cant we be nicer to each other? Why cant we hold lift doors for people and let others exit properly before we barge through? Do I have to carry a baby to have people do so?  I'm sure we can all do better. As for me, I will now make an effort to smile and be kind to people every day, because who knows? Maybe I might help someone's day go from being just ordinary to just great!

Thank you again Encik Salihin and Mr Raymond for helping me angkat my barang and most importantly, for opening my eyes.

Zara's First Raya!

This post is a long time coming but it really has taken me that long to get my Raya pictures in order!

Zara's first Baju Raya!

Our first Raya family photo!

 

 

Nanie let her try roti...



...And Zappel (!)...

...And even Ais Kacang! Naughty Nanie!

 

Passed out from all the excitement...

Yes, and as you can see, at just 6 months, Zara had already learnt that the Malaysian Raya experience was generally typified by new clothes, (lots of) eating, and plenty of exhaustion by the end of the day!

Oh, and we found that Zara just LOVES duit raya... chewing the packets, that is!



Zara's Progress Report - 7 Months, 3 Weeks

It's wonderful how fast a baby can progress in just a matter of weeks, sometimes even days! The things Zara learns on her own and from watching other babies never cease to amaze me and I often find it hard to believe that 7 months ago, she was just a tiny grub who couldnt even hold her head up and didnt do much except cry and poop (a lot!).

Today, my tiny grub is a lovely little girl with lots of character who can make her Abah's heart melt even when his football team plays like crap. And she is the only thing in the whole world that can make her Mummy tear up when she flashes her goofy (gummy) smile while doing the Zarafunnydance.

In fact, one of the main reasons I quit my fulltime job was so I wouldnt miss those moments, and by golly, do they zip past fast! So it is with a great amount of pride and an equal amount of relief that I can present Zara's progress report to date, knowing that I managed to catch every one of her great milestones so far...

First Real Smile: 45 days

First Slept Through the Night: 2 months

First Rolled Over (Front to Back): 2 months, 1 week

First Giggle: 3 months, 3 weeks 

First Sat Up Unsupported: 4 months

First Stood Up Supported (by the sofa): 4 months, 1 week 

First Solids: 4 months, 1 week

First Drink from a Sippy Cup: 6 months

First Pulled Herself Up to Standing (using the cot): 6 months

First Crawled (after the remote control!): 6 months, 1 week

First Stood Without Support: 7 months

First Steps (from Mummy to Abah): 7 months, 4 days

*** Cant seem to load this video... must be too long :-( ***

First Jigged (The Zarafunnydance): 7 months, 2 weeks

Some people have commented to me that Zara seems to have developed quite fast for her age, but I always remind them that she is also the most ungraceful crawler (which she is!) and quite clumsy too (she's so gelojoh about doing everything that she's always falling over and getting bumped in the process). I believe the two main reasons she's gotten a headstart with things like sitting, standing and walking are because she's extremely impatient and that I'm always around to guide her. So I guess everything sort of evens out when you look at the big picture.*

Needless to say, as any mother would be regardless of their child's rate of progress, I am incredibly proud to be Zara's Mummy. I can already see myself standing in the bleachers when she's a teenager at her Sports Day, embarassing her terribly by waving about wildly and cheering her name. And then I remember my own Mum doing the same for me when I was a kid (though perhaps not to the same degree), and realise a Mother's greatest achievement is usually always her children.

Yes, Zara, you are by default already my greatest achievement, and Mum, thanks for embarassing me as a kid - I love you and always will!

*If there's anyone out there whose kid hasnt yet done any of the above, please rest assured that every baby develops at his or her own pace; it's perfectly normal and certainly not an indication of their intellectual development! 

p.s. Dont you just love phones nowadays? I think I took every one of these pics/videos with my Berry! Yay to being able to capture all baby's milestones on camera!

Cabaran Ramadhan

At my conversion ceremony in March 2008.

2010 is my third year as a Muslimah and it was also meant to be my sixth year of fasting during Ramadhan. Since 2005, I'd done my best to never miss fasting during this holy month, because I had just started learning about Islam, and fasting along with my Muslim friends seemed like the right thing to do.

After taking the plunge and converting to Islam in 2008, fasting began to take on a whole new meaning for me, because unlike before, when I was just testing my personal limits and accompanying my friends, now going a whole month without food and water during the day suddenly became a spiritual experience - a time to be grateful for finding love, peace, and most importantly, God. 

During Ramadhan that year, I was still basking in the glow of marriage, finding my footing within my new extended family, and little did I realise, also carrying just-conceived twins! Fasting was so easy and joyful, and by the time Raya came, it hadnt even felt like a month had passed! 

When Ramadhan 2009 rolled by, so much had happened in my life, including losing the twins and thankfully, conceiving again, that there was so much more to be insaf about and grateful for. Unfortunately, because I was about 4-5 months pregnant at the time, and so ill and dehydrated from terrible morning sickness, I had to skip fasting on the doctor's advice.

Come August 2010. I am the proud new mother of a lovely little girl, and on all accounts, raring to get my fasting record back on track. Then, by the fourth day of Ramadhan, my milk supply dropped so drastically that the doctor recommended stopping my fast so that I could take medication to bring the supply back up. And since Zara was still around 5-6 months old at the time, she still required sufficient amounts of breastmilk to complement her semi-solid diet. So... that was that. Another Ramadhan gone to waste.

Some of my friends were surprised that I had even attempted to fast while breastfeeding, insisting that in Islam, it is acceptable for a breastfeeding mother as long as you pay fidyah. Still, I felt terribly guilty about not being able to fast for the second year in a row, and at the back of my mind, I also worried about having to replace a WHOLE lot of fasting days before the next Ramadhan!

On top of that, I had to endure a lot of snide remarks from other women about not fasting, ranging from "I fasted while breastfeeding, why cant you?" to "E'elek... it's not like you're gravely ill that you cant fast!", and even "Zara will survive lah, my kid did!" It made me doubt myself constantly and I wasn't sure whether I was doing the right thing.

Until today, I still look back at my Ramadhan, think about my many wasted opportunities to redeem myself in the eyes of Allah and wonder if I could have continued on. But... the month has come and gone, and I now have no choice but to wait until the next Ramadhan comes along.

Insyallah.

Daddy's Little Girl!

Found this picture in my laptop today, and blimey... will you look at that? Our Zara is a spitting image of her Abah!

Naz, aged 2 years, with his kakak, Nora

Now let's just hope she didnt also inherit her Abah's generous nose hehehe...

Still Sleepless?

Lacking sleep at night, poor baby would be
so exhausted during the day that she'd collapse onto
my tummy and knock out instantly.

And... there I go again.... AWOL for almost two whole months!

Although there are a lot of reasons for this (and some lame excuses too), the main one is that I've really been soooooo tired! *Yawn*

Yes, the Ramadhan and Raya frenzy did play a part in the exhaustion, but the truth is, I just havent been getting enough sleep since Ms Zara Aaliyah (The Boss) decided at 5.5months to stop sleeping so beautifully through the night.

Smart-a** Mummy and Abah thought we had moved past those pesky sleep issues when The Boss turned two months old. I had learnt from a dear friend that 4-5oz of either breastmilk or formula presented in a bottle could miraculously knock out a baby until 6, maybe even 7am, if you were lucky. We got even luckier: for 3.5 blissful months, The Boss slept from 10am right through to 8.30am every night! Needless to say, Mummy and Abah were very happy (thanks Yan!), and even managed to get some quality time together after 10pm *wink wink*

And then... as all things are with The Boss, everything went to sh*t and she decided to shake us out of our complacent reverie, waking up not once or twice but sometimes four to five times a night!

Now I know some parents out there are suffering far worse than I am (one poor lady shared with me on Facebook that she endured sleepless nights for TWO years... as a working mum too!) - so to these seasoned sleep"less"ers, my complaint is really peanuts. 

But as new parents experiencing real sleep issues for the first time, we really went bonkers. After a couple of weeks of sleeplessness, and seeing my husband conduct his morning show in what looked like a drunken stupor, I knew something had to be done... and fast!  

So I rushed out to the bookstore and invested in a few books on sleeping to see what the experts were recommending. From the feedback I received, Gina Ford sounded great, but when I read her solutions, I knew instantly that I (like many Asian parents) would not have the stomach to pull off most of her sleeping methods, particularly "Crying Down", which made me want to cry instead.

Jo Ryan of "Baby Bliss" fame also recommended a few ideas, which we tried but didnt seem to work for us. Internet searches revealed few practical solutions, with many other mothers offering sympathy and recommending just waiting it out patiently.

Finally, I read feverishly through my "What to Expect in The First Year" handbook (God's Gift to all new parents!) and chanced upon a name I had also seen mentioned in several other books (including Ford's and Ryan's). That magic word was "Ferber".

I had originally skimmed over that word in my previous research because at first glance, I didnt feel I could deal with crying of any sort (and Ferberization does involve quite a bit of crying, though not as much as the "Crying Down" method). But as I continued to read up on what it entailed, it began to look more and more do-able.

So the hubby and I set aside a week to begin sleep-training The Boss, with the agreement that since he had to work, I would be the one responsible for comforting Zara through the night.

That was over a month ago. And for the last two weeks, Zara has slept comfortably from 10am until 6am, when she takes a feed and continues her sleep with us in our bed, sometimes until 9 or 10am. 

There have been stops and starts though, such as when we had to move back to my in-laws for Raya, and when we went for a short holiday to Penang, which upset Zara's sleep routine a little and resulted in her waking up once or twice.

But overall, The Boss has finally learnt:

1) that a diaper change, a 5oz bottle and a dark room means that it's sleepy time

2) how to fall asleep on her own,

3) how to return to sleep after waking in the middle of the night, 

4) not to expect milk, patting, rocking or lullabies if she wakes in the middle of the night,

5) that Mummy will only pick her up for a feed at around 6am (and she is like clockwork, most of the time)

6) and... how to sleep in any cot anywhere, as long as the sleepy time routine stays the same.

Yes, Zara does still have her moments every now and then, where she'll wake at about 4 or 5am and cry for an hour (or two), so we revert back to Ferber and the next night she's usually ok again.

On the whole though, the experience has shown results, and as evidenced by my return to blogging, I am no longer fearful of bedtime because I know I will get at least 5 hours of solid sleep (yay!).

So here's hoping that Zara's good sleep continues, and that Mummy will finally be able to rest well enough to be able to stay awake and blog!

UPDATED @ 11:15pm, 27 September 2010:
Since posting this piece, I found an article on the net that is serious food for thought. The Ferber method may not be for everybody and it has its fair share of supporters and critics, so if you're planning to try any form of sleep-training, please make sure you read this opinion first.

I wish I had read this sooner; it may have greatly altered my approach to Zara's sleep issues, which I plan to start addressing a little differently from tonight onwards. Good luck to sleepless mothers everywhere!

The Boob Juice Chronicles.

My breastfeeding experience so far has been a challenging one, to say the least. Granted, there are women out there who've had worse experiences, but I'll be honest when I say that I do understand why choosing to fully breastfeed can be a difficult decision for many.

I remember writing back in early March that I intended to exclusively breastfeed Zara until she was 2 years old. This meant that Zara would not be given bottles, pacifiers or infant formula. It also meant that on the occasions that I had to leave her with someone else, I would have to express my milk and have her caregiver feed her using a cup or spoon. Lactation consultants recommend cup or spoon feeding over bottles because they are believed to prevent "nipple confusion".

Nightmare in Semarak

And so it happened that I decided to go back to reading the 8pm news part-time at ntv7. Taking the advice of my lactation consultant and armed with all the research I had done on the internet, I bought a special cupfeeding device from Medela, expressed several bottles of milk, and left Zara with my mother-in-law.

The evening turned out to be a complete nightmare.

During the three hours I was away, poor Zara - about 2 months old at the time - screamed the entire time I was away, desperate for milk but unwilling to take it from the cupfeeding device. Most of the milk ended up on her pyjamas, and my mother-in-law (bless her!) was left so frustrated and upset from Zara's wails, she herself was almost in tears. 

When I returned from work, I was shocked to see my little one all purple in the face from crying, and when my mother-in-law passed her to me, Zara began desperately searching for my boob. After finding it, she drank as if her life depended on it. Emotionally drained, my mother-in-law suggested trying the bottle, but I - resolute in my beliefs - refused to give up or give in.

A Battle of Wills: Mummy vs Zara

Over the next few days, I tried to train Zara to accept the cup, but all that resulted was a lot of wasted milk and a very unhappy little baby. And when my turn to newsread came up again, the cupfeeding nightmare continued.

After three nights of the same drama, I realised I couldnt bear to see my little girl upset like that ever again. We had to find a solution... and fast!

From that day on, we tried everything we could think of to feed Zara. We attempted feeding her before she was hungry. We waited til she was too hungry. There was the spoon. That was as much a failure as the cup.

Eventually, we caved and tried the bottle. I bought her a special Tommee Tippee bottle that's supposed to resemble the breast as closely as possible. And after a few painful days, she eventually began to accept it. I felt like a failure that I wasn't able to stick to my "No Bottle" plan, but with my daughter's emotional health at stake, something had to give.

With the bottle, we thought we had solved our problem. A few weeks went by peacefully, and it seemed as if I would be able to go back to newsreading without worrying constantly about Zara.

Mummy Wins... Or So We Thought!
(a.k.a. "Take That, Mummy!") 

And then, our reverie was shattered. Out of the blue, Zara began rejecting the bottle. Try as we might, no one could get her to drink from it. She went back to crying for three hours, preferring to retire from exhaustion than take even one sip of expressed milk. It was the straw that broke Naz's back. He gave me an ultimatum - solve this problem or stop newsreading.

I decided to take a month's break from the roster, and formulated a plan to train her to accept the bottle. Everyday, after her evening bath, I would add a bottle of expressed milk to her routine. For a week, she screamed and spat out every drop of the milk I had spent valuable hours pumping.

But I persevered.

I would keep the teat in her mouth as she screamed, even if she drank none if it, hoping she would get used to it, hoping she would learn that no amount of screaming would remove that dreaded bottle. When she calmed down, as she usually did after sometime, I would remove the bottle and comfort her, before rewarding her with what she wanted - boob.

After about a week of doing this - a wretched week's worth of heartache from watching my baby cry - finally... finally... 30 seconds into her screaming, she stopped suddenly and lapped up an entire bottle. Just like that. I nearly jumped for joy!

It's been a month now, and ever since - touch wood - she has accepted the bottle calmly with no tears at all, even caressing it gently as she drinks.

Going...Going... Gone!

You'd think that with the bottle problem solved, everything would now be hunky dory, right?

Wrong!

Just when Zara started accepting the bottle happily enough, my menses returned after a year AWOL, and without warning, my milk production dipped to an all-time low. In panic, I consulted my ObGyn, who referred me to a lactation consultant.

Following her advice, I increased the regularity of my pumping to boost milk production, started taking calcium magnesium to supplement my blood calcium levels, and on my own initiative, began a regimen of  3 capsules, 3 times daily of the herb, Fenugreek.

I had taken Fenugreek before with great success. From pumping a measly 2oz per session, after a day of Fenugreek I could easily express 5-6oz.

But this time, it was different. No amount of pumping, calcium magnesium or Fenugreek could get my milk to flow. Zara began getting increasingly agitated during feeds, and to top it all off, I had an overseas wedding to attend, and not enough milk stored away in my freezer.

I went on a pumping frenzy, desperately trying to squeeze as much milk from my sore, sagging boobs as I could. And still, all I could extract was a pathetic 1.5oz.

Thankfully for Zara, her twice daily solid food diet was keeping her from starving. Unfortunately for me, my overseas trip - tickets booked and all - didn't look as promising.

The idea of going anywhere without Zara and not leaving behind enough milk was making me so anxious, I was almost in tears everytime I pumped less than an ounce. I told Naz to cancel my ticket, and to go alone for the wedding. But the dejected look on his face was so heartbreaking, I knew I had to find a way to get there.

And so, this is how, after all my well-meant intentions, we started Zara on formula.

Of course, Zara being Zara, she rejected it for a few days, but tonight, she finally accepted a 2oz bottle of Enfelac A+.

What I Have Learnt So Far...

I plan for this to be only a short term measure, until I get back from my trip and resume with full breastfeeding. But as with all my 'plans' so far, I am now also prepared to be realistic. I can say now that the most important thing I've learnt about parenting is that the best-laid plans - even the noblest - must make way for what's necessary at the time.

What matters most is that your baby is healthy and happy, and that you - as a parent - keep doing your best. If you fail, keep trying, and if you continue to fail, take heart that you tried.

This is why, in honour of World Breastfeeding Week, I urge all new mums out there to at least give breastfeeding a try. It's OK if you fail, but at least just give it a shot - a real shot - and be assured that you have put your baby's best interests first. And if, after all your attempts, you find it's not working for you, at least you know you've tried to give your baby the best headstart in life. 

Despite my own failures, and my overwhelming guilt at having succumbed to formula (albeit briefly), I wish all breastfeeding mums out there, Happy World Breastfeeding Week. Bravo to you all!

And to those who tried breastfeeding and didn't succeed, give yourself a pat on the back that you tried anyway!