I vaguely remember a time when I used to sleep until 11am on weekends. And having breakfast meant a trip down to the mamak for a roti canai garing and teh tarik.There's also the seemingly distant memory of what it was like to be able to shop all day in a pair of four inch heels and a hot dress.
And although that might have been my life just a little under a year ago, these days it seems like those memories are a thing of the distant past.
Weekends now are a blur - just that, a blur - of sleeplessness, bathing baby, feeding baby, burping baby, rocking baby *stop, rewind, play*.
Breakfast - if I actually get the time for breakfast - is a cup of Milo which must be gulped down quickly before baby wakes up crying. When baby is sleeping peacefully, I rarely am aware of what I'm even eating because I have one eye constantly on her... Is she OK? Is she fussing? Pooping? Crying? Hiccuping? Breathing? Yes, I fret about the silliest things.
Of course, it goes without saying that I haven't dared to attempt shopping, let alone carry Zara on heels of any height. I mean, even what was meant to be a brief trip to the office yesterday turned into a harrowing 5 hour ordeal punctuated by crying, feeding, pooping and people stopping by to coo at the baby. Throw in a clueless mother who's hopeless at assembling a stroller and it can get pretttty hairy! (Those things require a PhD in Rocket Science ok!)
Don't get me wrong though - I'm really not complaining. In some strange way, this happens to be my way of marvelling at how such a tiny creature has changed my life so utterly thoroughly completely. And it's not that I didnt see it coming.
And that's why I made sure I did three very important things before Zara arrived.
#1: Date Night
I made my husband take me on a date. Nothing fancy or well-planned. Just a quiet dinner for two at Alexis where we talked about everything under the sun. We don't get much time to eat together anymore, let alone talk.
#2: Our First "Family" Portrait
I also dragged my husband to Bunny + Bear Pictures to have a portrait taken of us, pre-Zara. At first, Naz was extremely reluctant and thought it was a waste of time, but now that he's seen the pictures and Zara is no longer in my tummy, I think he appreciates that we took the time to do it. It reminds us of where our little family started.
#3: A New "Career"
Finally, I told my bosses that I intended to quit my job as a Senior Producer at Primeworks Studios, where I produced a women's program for ntv7 and did a bunch of other things that kept me at work for very long hours. Ladies Day Out was my curtain call and when the final episode goes on air this Friday at 7.30pm, I'll take a bow and say, "I did what I'd always wanted to do, and now it's time for a new career - motherhood!". And so, I handed in my resignation letter yesterday.
I guess I can say I did my very best to prepare myself physically (I slept a LOT!), mentally and emotionally for the changes my life would go through following Zara's arrival, but when it came down to it, NOTHING could really prepare me for the reality of being a Mum.
Still, I can safely say I have no regrets and there isnt anything I would rather have done than just be Zara's mummy.