Tuesday, May 31, 2011

When the Going Gets Tough...

... as your Abah will say, the Tough get Going.

Life has been a series of challenges lately, my little one. We often refer to these moments as "dugaan" - challenges that Allah SWT presents to us, tough enough that we know the extent of our strengths, but nothing too much that we cannot overcome. I must admit that at many points over the last couple of months I have felt a little in over my head - sometimes when you're at the lowest of the low, it can be very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am still doing my best to swim to the surface of this latest challenge, and I know, by hook or by crook, I must get over and beyond this, not just for me, but for Abah and most importantly, for you. I am convinced that when Allah gave me Abah, he gave me a shot to be a better person, but when he gave me you, he gave me a reason to struggle on, to not give up trying to be a better person.

Yes, there are people who will never want to see us happy, or who won't believe that we are doing our best; there will always be people who'll try to drag us down, call us names, or make us and others believe we are worth less than we really are. Allah knows I've been through all of that. And just when you think you've seen it all, you often get steamrolled by something far worse.

It's these times, Zara, like now - in the wee quiet hours of the morning - that we take solace in our faith and our Creator, and when we ask humbly that He give us the courage to look inward and not be afraid of what we find there, as well as the resolve to look outward and try to improve. Forget about changing others and what they think or say, because that is their own struggle, and they must overcome that on their own. Instead of asking how we can fix others, let's try first and fix ourselves.

Of course, while I'm sharing this with you, (because you will no doubt have to suffer through this some day too)... I'm still learning to do this part, because as your Abah will attest, I'm as stubborn as the most stubborn mule, with a temper that can put even a rabid dog to shame. I also have my own share of misgivings and baggage that I wish I could cast off but can't. I will probably always have to pay the price for these mistakes, long after I've apologized for them. But that's my struggle, not yours.

There will be times in the future when I will be the source of your anger and frustration, Zara, and I hope you will forgive me for that. Try to remember what I'm sharing with you here, and know that I do everything because I love you.

There will also be times when you will drive me up the wall instead. And you will, I know you will, you cheeky little tyke. Then, insyallah, I hope I will be patient enough to be a role model for you.

Remember always that you are Mummy's inspiration; I want you to learn from my mistakes and be the person that I'm still trying to be.

Thank you Allah forever for giving me these reasons to go on.