My dearest Zakry,
A year ago today at this hour, Mummy was feeling the first pangs of labour - an exciting (and a little terrifying) sign that in a few hours I would meet the little man behind those pretty amazing tummy shapes you were able to make with your knees and elbows.
I didnt know then what a challenge having two children would be, how it is never the same as having just one child to focus on. I didnt know I would spend most of the next year exhausted, cranky, and not as wonderful a mother I wanted to be for you.
Sometimes I feel guilty that I havent been able to shower you with as much attention as I would have loved to. And in those moments of frustration and tears and tiredness, I have to remind myself often that I really am just another Mummy doing my very, very best.
Despite our ups and downs, my love - the screaming, the madness, the tears and the fatigue (for us both!) - I still would not have had it any other way. For throughout it all, you have been and will always be my Precious One, the one we nearly lost, the one we fought to keep.
On our tough days together, I think back to that moment when I first held you properly in my arms, during our first feed... engulfed in love and gratitude as I held your tiny hand, wrapped pitifully with a drip and a bandage. You opened your eyes briefly, and I saw the shimmer of your eyes, the beginning of that beautiful sparkle that still lights up your face when you smile today.
My beautiful baby boy... may our days together grow in closeness and understanding, may you forgive me for not being able to give you as much time and attention as you deserve, may you love me despite my failings and weaknesses. I love you more than you will ever know.
Happy Birthday my Little Man!
Your Imperfect Mummy